"Never have I ever" culture has permeated society so deeply for so long that we became the antithesis and subjugated to "Oh I'll do anything once." Except for some, once became a daily practice. Instead of being happy, content to piss on the golf course at midnight in front of the Champion parking sign and declaring yourself "Champion of the world" you won't stop. You will piss anywhere until you satisfied that you have pissed absolutely everywhere you're called to piss. We often times want to attach our potential to others. I'm vastly guilty of this sin. This is one of my dying sins. To trust that others operate in a capacity similar to my own. I'm finding that I'm somewhere I wasn't before. I've left the plane of the former and entered into the situation of what is now. And having identified I'm not where I was, I have only one question. Where am I? I lied, I have 2 questions. Is this where I want to be? Thankfully that was an easy answer. I am here. Where is here? Where I have been trying to get to as long as I was hatched. Where I am now, doing what I'm doing now was the goal. I got to where I wanted to be with most of the people I really needed on my team. Not just needed, but loved, wanted, thought about, planned for and make room daily. To create a life that if the world mean mugs you at the Cooperative because you didn't appreciate them peeing on your neighbors lawn, that you can walk away from. That when the world decided that your face was grumpy instead of tired, hurt or sad after wearing a mask for 2 years straight and then directly into zero sales and world war. We need to adjust and my face, even after all we've been through is still not going to be a topic of discussion. If someone doesn't like my clothes, for one reason or another and decides to say something, we're good. Sometimes the clothes people wear were gifts given in love. Maybe, it's the only actually nice thing they have. So they saved it to wear for their shitty conversation with your judgmental ass. And when you, the stranger to the scenario opens your big REALLY FAT mouth to say anything, what you're really saying is "oh that outfit means I'm gonna be a dick" then guess what... who's the real dick in all the scenarios? I see much deeper now the depth and breadth of what it means to be an actual good person instead of an actual piece of shit posing as a good person. How difficult is it to be a good person? Turns out, according to science it's almost damn near impossible. And without cooperative agreement, there isn't a base for actual self improvement. Only the glorification of works deemed to be "better", "Superior" or "high minded". Even the loftiness of the cannabis community is turning me off. Everyone is so much better than one another for various and sundry reasons. "Their flowers had mold, bugs, etc." "This bho is made with butane." Oh no! Not butane. I'm just so over the hype of everyone having to the biggest, the best, the dankest or the most fucking popular. Where the hell did quality go? You're more interested in smearing a growers name instead of actually helping to fix what could be a simple fix. But no, tis the age of the sword of the internet where we're slashing and taking swipes at one another. The latest attacks were so weird and so distorted I realized that the individuals I'm dealing with are experiencing a different reality than I am. I am no longer face sucked into the machine that thirsts on your energy, sucks your time and gets glued to your face all in the name of profit. I asked myself recently, while on retreat... "Who invited me to Facebook and were they still friends with me?" And the answer is a flat "No". The people who originally invited me to Facebook largely judged me as inferior and stopped being friends with me. So I am now deeming myself inferior to everyone with a phone and no longer operating it as I once did. I've been having to block the noisy. Those who are whimsical and arbitrary with their decision making and elusive in their conflict resolution. It seems some, thrive for the fight and are constantly on the hunt for another trophy. I'm a person. I'm not a trophy. Grossly aware of the nature of people now, having been formerly unaware of their actual nature. I'm grateful I'm not as trusting as I once was. Trust, turns out comes from not having a significant bond with your mother. Which is a story for another day. Bye bye Miss America Pie.
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February 2024
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