Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother Longest Reigning MonarchI'm oh so happy to report that it was a hoax and everyone was wrong. Shame shame... tis bad juju to speak of the living as though they have crossed over. It invites "Death" to their own table. We shall not be speaking of any of the living as though they have died. We wish long life, health and plenty of purpose to Her Majesty. Long Live the QueenMay I never be so wounded, pained, hurt, abused or dead inside that I can ever just "get over" and just "forget" people that I truly Loved. May I feel every ache of being apart the first day, week, year and may my grief be completed. For every Love. I fully recognize that not all the Love I extended to others throughout my life was amplified, received, returned to me or echoed in kind. Not every loving relationship I had was loving because we were both participating. I knew this. I knew this at the time. And I knew this after it became too much to carry alone. There are weights we carry attached to the Love vibration we manifested with other humans. Because we are magical, the other person doesn't have to participate as fully and therefore often the magical among us bear the burden of manifesting Love in relationships. This doesn't sustain us long-term. This is how we become drained, sad and even angry. Especially when we are engaged in loving relationships with other magical beings who know they are magical and still refuse to use even a sprinkle in return. I mean, would it have killed them to listen, to care? No, it typically just about them. So we retreat with our magic and we double down on whoever is remains in the dwindling circle. I've recently learned that the opposite of happy is despair. Those who find themselves in the sphere of despair are incapable of happiness on their own. Yet, despair is where they consistently choose to be. Day to day and moment to moment we make choices. How do we reply? What do we say? Should we say anything? Some things are best left unsaid. And some things, absolutely must be faced straight on without argument. Lest we risk not being heard. When I know it's the last thing someone will hear me say, I am certain to make it impactful. I used to send long winded letters explaining my position with all sort of references and feelings. But now I've come to realize that the letters we wrote ten years ago telling someone to buzz off age poorly and don't stick in people's minds like you had wished they had. I have one person I've told to "fuck off" at least 3 separate occasions and there's at least 2 letters on my hard drive telling them the same thing. Some relationships are like the terminator. You can never grieve what wasn't because there's never enough room to breathe. The energies are divided on whether or not we should plead our case. I'm not much of a case pleader. I'm a better gardener. I'm better at turning my back on people and pointing my ass to the sun and poking seeds into warm soil. I'm tired of the debate and the "fight" to even have friends. What the fuck kind of world is this that after you're done being friends with people they send you a Fedex. Half of it "new gifts" and the other half was previous gifts from a loving moment shared together. What the fuck happened to the beautiful moments together? When did we get to the place where we exchanged love, beauty, friendship, time, space, herbs, food and family and then.... in six months to return it all in some vicious gesture. My heart hurts for your pain. I didn't stop loving you. You never loved yourself. You signed yourself up for pain. More pain and then when you started feeling better you sabotaged everything we had and even shared. A thing you asked for.... that I gave to you freely minus guile and payment. No funds were exchanged babe. Just love.
And there you go. Being what? The bigger person who returned everything as well as gifts? That hurts. It hurt not just me, but my husband and my kids. Why would you do something like that. You will say, "I am sick, I have a disease." and I will agree. You are sick. you have a disease. Because people who aren't diseased don't seek to hurt the same people who were on the healing journey together. You laid the founding stones into our healing path. You, and your caregiver. I can see now that the darkness in your soul that allows you to treat me and my family and farm so badly is foreign to me. I thought we were of the same tribe, but I was wrong. How do I know? Because people like me give space when people request it. We give moments to pass. We give hot topics time to cool down. We are slow to anger. And we allow dust to settle before we begin sorting through. It's not easy to be on the flipside of the One sided relationship when suddenly the other side pulls the plug on you. I see how that infuriated your rage monster and you decided that instead of respecting my peace, wishes, will and boundaries that was signal to charge ahead... You went into "bull in China shop" mode to tear down our good work. Not on my watch. I have to remind myself over and over that these people are not my friends. They don't actually have real love for our farm, for us, our animals or what we have to go through when they decide that this is the moment that they are flipping out and it's in our direction they will be flipping. Gotta be square up front fam and say, that's not how we roll. I still hurt. Friend or not, we cared for you even if at the end of the day you were putting on some show for the world, whatever it was. It's sad to see you go down this way. You seemed like a beautiful person. The behind the scenes shit is too brutal for me babe. You're clearly the better person. And you win. Congratulations on your win. For one reason or another people often elevate themselves above one another. This is mostly done out of programming and self esteem issues. When we step up to someone remarkable or fabulous, often their shine can make us withdraw and examine instead of advancing and stepping up. It's difficult to weigh the dance we face daily when self confidence is an issue. So, to do that, I take that part out of my recipes. I don't work in confidence to my bread, my cakes, my cookies or other divine treats. Gods eating the delights from the Baker's tableLong ago I got the lesson of the dogs eating the scraps from the master's table. I don't like the word "master" so let's replace it with "Baker" and let's change the word "Scraps" to "delights". Because if you've ever met a dog, anything from your table is utterly delightful. Now let's tool the word "dogs" and change it to "Gods". Now what's our new and improved formula read? That's right. Gods eating the delights of the Baker's table. What a lovely sentiment is that! When the freedom moment came to cast out on our own and hang our own sign and own placard, we wanted an authentic Farm to Table experience and decided that sharing the Baker's Table was the only way to go. If we didn't eat it, we wouldn't make it, we shouldn't sell it. So we sell, make, bake and take everything that we enjoy daily. We wanted to be the Baker to share the delights with the Gods of today. The movers, the shakers, the vacationers and the adventure seekers. Along the way we met patients who also needed our care. Crossroad TimesPoint is, not all journeys look the same. Not all farmers, bakers, travelers and messengers have the same destination. We're simply at crossroads sharing wares, stories and pain until we can all feel better again. Better again is coming really soon to everywhere near you. You just have to gotta wanna find it is all.
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February 2024
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