Everybody deserves a good dayI love how a snow day can fix whatever is wrong with the Earth. Something about all of us huddled together against nature's frozen fury to reconnect us and spark... well all kinds of things! For me, this time it sparked a bit of baking to enjoy some warm goodness during the storm. I also love good snow day memories. Yesterday was a really good day to remember one of the best of times. My entire existence with my birth family was not clown shoes. For the most part it was ordinary and there weren't a lot of overt clues at first that my future would be different than it was back then. Jessie had her shining moments for certain. There was the year that she was doing well financially and chose to spend on her kids' Christmas and not herself. That was the year of the perpetual presents. The presents started early in December and would continue until almost the New Year. I recall all of them marked "From Santa" but by the time I was 11, the Secret of who was actually Santa at home was in full reveal. Mom never took an ounce or a lick of credit. I just remember the steady barrage of gifts. Maybe I didn't understand them then like I do now. Maybe I even seem unimpressed or even over the receiving of gifts by the time the last ones were opened. Did my cavalier attitude hurt my Mother who had worked so hard and taken so much time to shop, wrap and scheme to give? I truly hope not. Because I never forgot what she did and how she did it. I never forgot the love I felt that year as gift after gift was laid before me. If I didn't express adequate gratitude then, I choose to do so daily, now. Thank you Jessie for your many gifts. I receive them with gratefulness and love. Another beautiful winter memory is the time she surprised us on a snow day with an ice skating pond. She had hand hauled water and poured a pond all by hand. She had it smooth and it was snow-covered ready for the big reveal on our first day home from school due to snow. And what a surprise it was! We never would have guessed she would have thought to do something like this, aside from actually pulling it off! She pulled it off and in true genius fashion, she spent a quiet snow day inside while we skated until our cheeks were red and noses ran. I'm going to try to think of better times and days as much as I am capable. There isn't a ton of superb memories to override my main experience. But there are some gleaming times that I can glean if I lean into it. I'm appreciative of her efforts at all. I'm not sure what her motives were ever, but at least I had chances to heal some of the nonsense before leaving for good and into adulthood. I am no longer holding harms or blames at all. Now I search for healing in the mundane and celebrate the small wins.
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AuthorMarihemp is a Mystic Archives
January 2024
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